This year we signed our 8yr old son signed up for Lacrosse. I grew up in a hockey family, my dad played, uncles, cousins and brothers. It was the only winter sport worth playing and watching when you’re enduring Ontario Winters and growing up surrounded by boys. I played and I loved it. So naturally when my son showed interested in Lacrosse, I jumped on the opportunity to sign him up. We have been through a variety for sports to find one that he would love. Soccer, baseball, swimming, karate and hip hop dance, just to name a few. We were both mentally exhausted and the funds to restart a new sport each year had taken its toll on the cheque book.
My husband volunteered to coach, he is a self-proclaimed
athlete (and does have the sport history to lay such a claim) with basketball
topping his list. This love of sports has given him the mentality of “Play of
fun, but I don’t know anyone who likes to lose” or another favorite “2nd
place is the first place loser”. These are all mottos that go against my
reasoning for sports. I see sports as something to teach children, team work,
team commitment, sportsmanship and something to focus their energy and time
on. Where I grew up and I’m sure this
rings true for a lot of places, if you didn’t have a sport to play you, your
idle hands found other things to get into. My brother is an example that sticks
in my mind, hockey was his outlet, and he loved it and was pretty good at it.
He came into some trouble in his younger years with some other kids and as a
punishment my parents decided the only way to teach him a lesson was to take
him out of it. This only left more time on his hands to fill. He feel deeper
and deeper in to the wrong crowd and focused his time more and more on the
wrong things. This is when I decided sports would be a priority in my family.
As the lacrosse season approached, I started to wonder if my
son and his step-dad’s relationship could with stand this kind of strain. Their
relationship has been rock at times. As my son grew, he started to have all the
questions most children with separated parents have. Those unavoidable
questions that make you search your entire being for a way to answer without
cause more questions and the hurt the will most likely carry. With my husband’s
competitive nature and my son’s sensitive and thin-skinned nature, I thought
for sure it was a disaster in the making. My mind told me told me to be weary but my
heart hoped for the better.
As the season progressed I was amazed at how much good this
new dynamic was for us. My son and
husband enjoyed and looked forward to practices and games. They grew closer in
the area that brought them together, stopping into sports shops to check out
the newest, coolest gear. Talked about
the sport and discussed players on their team. My son started to help out more
around the house and when his step dad requested, with no following debate. I was
astonished, it was more than I had hoped for.
For years it seemed
like my son battled my husband for the Alpha position in our blended family. This
lead to daily arguments with me caught in the middle playing referee. It was
emotionally draining and I was at my wits end.
When game days came around, I could feel the happiness
radiating. Lacrosse had become my family’s medicine. It was healing us in a way
I had never thought it would. We were learning where we stood with each other
and how to communicate. I had to let go of the idealization of step-dad and son
being each other’s best friends and realize that we will have a family that
functions in its own way, and are laying a foundation where that friendship may
follow.
We have now closed the season and placed 2nd in
the league. Not only was my son taking pride in helping his team but my husband
was exceptionally proud to say they placed 2nd overall. His
mentality changed and was happy to have a team that worked hard and having the
honour to coach them.
I am glad I took the chance and let my heart lead. I am
guilty of ignoring my heart, letting my mind take over where I should be
letting my spirit lead. One of the first lessons my mother and grandmother
taught me as a First Nations person.
Sometime our physical self doesn’t have all the pieces and that’s where
our spirit knows where to lead us. That feeling that wells up inside you and
tells you “This is good. This is what we need.” My spirit lead my family to the
medicine it needed.
