Everything Deserves a Purpose

I had this epiphany while reflecting after a fairly heated argument with my husband over what I call the “carousal” argument. It’s that one argument that we have had about a million times over. It wasn’t till after a few sessions of journaling and self-reflection that I started to uncover things I didn’t even know I was hiding from myself.  I was free writing and it was like peeling back the layer of an onion. Only I was the onion and the layers where, you guessed it, the emotions that where from the not so far past, along with those that have been handed down on a generational level. It was uncomfortable and like most onion encounters had me crying a lot.

Through this peeling away of layers I found that I was bringing past experience into my present. This argument I was having with my husband was mostly a flare up from past insecurities and emotional guardedness that was passed down from generations that had been used it as a defence.

As I unpacked my baggage into my journal I found that a lot of what I was bringing into my relationship wasn’t so much by choice but I wasn’t realizing it was flowing in and wasn’t aware of how to stop it. It was from the hundreds of years of mistrust towards society due to residential school, reservations and attempted assimilation and destruction of my culture to the clashing two cultures, my husband and I, when we came together. It would seem that I had my work cut out for me from before I was born, and little did my husband know, so did he.

 

Thus my layers that fell to the papers of my journal have become my guide and fuel to my first blog. I think there are many people in the same boat as I and we need to find a way to heal ourselves and our families and do so without promoting racism and taking way the media’s ability to perpetuate society’s stereotypes of native people. We are slowly healing with every new generation that is born. One day we will be whole and our voices and our traditions will return. But we need to be a part of the solution not the problem. 

I invite you to look in on my journey through life from the point of view of a young Native mom born to young parents, post-residential school, living in a blended and mixed family, in a town 4000km away from her family and culture trying to grow a home business with 3 kids and a dog while finding my version of happily ever after.

Cheers,

CNDkwe